Friday, November 28, 2008
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7:32 AM
Bitter and Sweet
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
~ Chorus from Linkin Park's Leave Out All the Rest
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be
Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But i know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away
~Chorus from David Archuleta's Crush
There's always time where I listen to my music to calm my soul. Yet most of the songs I chose always seem to reflect my memories and my feelings. For instance, these two songs I am currently hearing right now seem to be stuck in my mind now. The first one reflects how bitter I am feeling about romance, while the other is just the opposite, only it's more on the current situation everytime I'm around with that person.
... Yeah... I still have feelings for that person... expect I see him as a friend. For now. I can still wait... and in the meantime, Linkin Park reminds me to try my best to avoid romance for now.
Labels: curses, spells, thoughts
Monday, November 24, 2008
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4:47 AM
Resentment and Confusion
For the first time, this spell's gonna be written like a high school girl's rambling. I need to get this stress out anyway.
Ahem...
I don't care if you read my blog, and I don't read your blog either like before, but I can feel like you're all confused, just like me. I was out of my mind, alright? Like someone who just fell from a rooftop, or even someone who just came out from a roller coaster. I mean, hell, I even wished God punished me on that night. All I wanted is understanding. I'm really glad you didn't see me going all [batshit] insane that night before I met you, but I felt like I need to talk to someone after that. And trust me, I dunno why it has to be you, or why the hell did I even did that to you. All I can do is to feel guilty I put you in the similar state as I am right now.
Well, we're all growing up, right? Let time do it then. I can wait. And I can tell you will too.
And yeah, I'm not gonna talk about it. Especially if you're around.
End of ramble. Gee, that was a little annoying to talk like that.
Labels: curses, thoughts
Sunday, November 23, 2008
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3:56 AM
Birth Anniversary
The day I was born...
I'm glad I'm alive in this world.
Labels: moments
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
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5:30 AM
Cruelty"I don't need anybody's support!"
It's happening again. I'm starting to feel more hatred towards everybody. I even feel like showering cruelty to everyone.
What's happening to me? Is my evil side starting to take over me? Or is it the weather and hormones that are responsible?
I feel like the people around me are my weaknesses and my strengths at the same time... But I believe only one of them should stay true to me, so I'm waiting to see what happens next...
Labels: curses
Monday, November 17, 2008
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5:36 AM
SnappedSomeone told me a joke, but I suddenly snapped out with anger, as if I was offended. I felt like something inside needs to get out, even if it's not like me to be like that.
"I'm pissed, okay?! Pissed about everything around me!"
Those were the last words I spoke out as soon as I stepped out of the university.
Why in the world did I say those words? I then remembered feeling so lonely, never mind the drowsiness that's been cursing me for the past few days. I even feel like I really need to be alone in the streets of the dark. I suddenly began to hear words of loneliness. Lust and desires of loneliness. Anger towards the people around me. Everything I hear is loneliness and hatred.
What is wrong with me? Why now, of all the sudden? I really don't know why, but...
There's someone inside of me desiring to come out to unleash its anger to all the people I know and love.
Labels: curses, thoughts
Thursday, November 13, 2008
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5:48 AM
Whatever...I feel like I wanna jinx the radio for playing those stupid overrated songs that just reflect how life ISN'T supposed to be. Some songs even make me feel all bitter, especially on one person. I'd love to say I hate how love appears towards people, but ironically, my other side likes the idea too. Still, I try hard to control this. Romantic love won't get me anywhere.
One more reason why I prefer lonesome songs. They calm my mind, yet ironically, more bitter as well. But I feel like I don't care about it, because I'm just bitter about romance, so what's the big deal? So what if I'm denying it? It's not like I'm gonna get cursed or what, all because I'm all so bitter about it.
Romance won't get you anywhere, unless you feel like it is. End of story.
Labels: curses, thoughts
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
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5:04 PM
Alone in the Dark
Nope. It's not just the title of a well-known old school game.
It's just that because my classes are starting to end at the glimpse of the moon, everything around me is starting to feel lonesome. Again.
Come to think of it, haven't I always been lonely before, without even caring a soul around me?
Like one night when I found myself waiting for someone, but I decided to leave, because it was getting too cold for me to handle. As I walked on my way, I looked up at the sky. There, I saw the moon, covered by those soft dark clouds. Not a single star shone with the moon.
It seemed to reflect me of my current situation, in a way. Am I feeling alright to be preoccupied by my current status? Or do I wished I was with the people who care for me, so I would not be alone?
Nevertheless, I just go on... Not caring a single soul... If there were wandering and restless souls around me, will I not be lonely as before?
Labels: thoughts
Saturday, November 8, 2008
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5:53 AM
Traffic Signals
In life, there are traffic signals. Like the roads of the city, we should follow them, or else our lives will be thrown away. Like the roads, the people we meet become our paths of our lives. And like cars, we need to be careful around them.
For instance, when you fall in love with a person, but it seems like that person is in love with another person, you just need to go forward, as the go signal to your way has lit, while the stop signal has lit towards that person. But when you think you already have a go signal from that person, after what has happened on its way, don't be fooled. It's actually a standby signal. Unless you both think it's a go signal... then go for it.
After all, some things are worth the wait, right?
Labels: thoughts
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
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5:41 PM
Saving the Rats
There were rats I wanted to kill, but they seemed so helpless, they don't look like rats at all. In fact, they even have different colors around them, I don't think I should call them rats. I saved 4 of them, but one was killed by my aunt right in front of me. I protested that I can take care of them, so I ran away with them. One of the rats then spoke to me, saying that her daughter is currently trapped in a well for years, trying in vain to climb up. A character who looks just like Spongebob (maybe he is?) then told me we have to save it, or the Poison Incident 108 will occur again, where the waters of all the world will be poisoned.
We then took our bikes, as we pedal our fastest towards the well. The path was not an easy way to cross, like those zigzag roads we need to be careful. There were even some cars that zoomed past our way dangerously, that some of our companions were knocked out, even if I can't recognize them now.
When we finally reached the said well, I took my telescope to find the daughter, when she slowly climbed up the well, just like Sadako from The Ring (though it wasn't as horrific as the movie itself)...
Labels: dreams
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5:11 AM
Ancient UST in War
The atmosphere was tense. The weather was insanely hot. I could've sworn the whole place was like a desert, as I saw soldiers cursing and swearing while firing their weapons. I could even hear the loud march of the soldiers ready to battle. In the meantime, I found myself running for my life, as I was chased by a couple of idol-headed mummies. I then stumbled across a cave, where I was knocked unconscious. After regaining conscious, I found myself in front of a golden artifact that glowed its surroundings with bright light. Then, as I slowly placed my hands on the artifact, I heard my own voice saying:
"At last... the artifact to end it all..."
[UST = University of Santo Tomas]Labels: dreams
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4:58 AM
Moody Friend
I was in a shopping mall. There, I brought a bright new read watch. I giggled as I placed the red watch on my left wrist. Then, a friend of mine who was with me just gave me a weird look, because, well, it was really strange for one to wear two watches at the same time. We walked around the mall after that while I was saying something to her. She just scowled and said something that made me think about something....
It's a shame I couldn't remember the whole conversation...
Labels: dreams
Monday, November 3, 2008
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1:53 AM
The Adventure Continues...
"So... do you think she will make it...?" a deep voice asked."... Oh I dunno..." said my dark self, playing with her necklace. "'Sides, like you care.""Well... don't you think she HAS too?""...""Anyways, let us go. I can see her strong spirit, so we have no use of here right now..."With that, no one has the knowledge on who the deep voiced person is, or where the girl has gone to...
~*~
The door creaked slowly, to reveal a man who stands inches taller than me, wearing some metallic armor. His weapon has a machine. He looked around the room, and seconds later, he saw me. At first, I wanted to attack him, but as I placed the blade of my katana dangerously in his neck, I look surprised when I got a closer look in his face.
"... Dad...?"
"DADDY! Thank God you're alive!" cried the boy behind me.
I look confused. When the boy came out, he then transformed into my youngest brother. I was really surprised. "No time for reunion," my dad said in a serious tone. "Remember we still have some business to deal with." I then said, "Uhm, wait Dad. First of all, I need answers. So my first question is... Why the hell are you in that... suit?" To tell you the truth, he looked like Cyborg of Teen Titans. "Well, you see, there were some zombies here in your school, and..."
"Wait," I stopped him. "So... you're telling me... THAT THIS BUILDING IS MY SCHOOL???!" I asked in a very shocked voice, nearly shouting within the whole building.
"Shush, sis!" my little brother hissed. "The zombies might hear us!"
"And there are some fucking zombies here?!" I demanded, ignoring my brother's plea. "Okay, this is getting weird. First of all, I have to save everyone I love, and NOW you guys are here defending yourselves from a pack of zombies?! What the fuck's going on?!"
My dad just coughed and said, "Well, you see, you're actually in the final stage..."
"What the fuck, Dad," I moaned, "You sound like an NPC in those typical video games I've been playing... and this is the final stage already?! What the hell?!" I just slapped my forehead after that.
"Look, I know this is getting stranger for you, but I have good news for you," my dad said. "What is it?" I asked hopefully. My little brother then beamed at me. "All the people you were trying to find are safe now!" he said with a big smile. I sighed in relief. "Good, so where's Mom and your other brother?" I asked my little brother. My Dad and my brother looked down after that question. I couldn't expect anything worse.
"Well, Mom is safe, taking care of the others," my Dad said.
"But
kuya is missing!" my little cried in tears. (Note: "Kuya" is the term Filipinos use to address to their older brothers, e.g. Kuya Xavier.)
I was shocked. And that brother of mine was the closest to me. "Well, I hope he's alright..." I mumbled.
"But I'm sure he is," my Dad said sternly. "I mean, he has random magic spells to defend himself, you know." I gave a bored look. "So you mean to say he's a Mage?" I asked. "Most likely," my dad replied. "But you can too, right?" he asked. "Well, I haven't even tried, because, well, I just start short, for the love of God," I said with a sigh.
"Well, in that case, go on out there and kill those zombies," my Dad said.
"But of all things, why are there zombies in my school???!" I asked.
"There was a virus breakout, that's what."
I fell silent.
"... God, that sounds SOOOO Resident Evil, Dad, what the fuck..."
"Well, if you think it's like that, then I'll tell you something: The people with your Mom, your siblings, and me weren't affected."
Again, I fell silent.
"... Well, that's something you don't expect in every survival-horror genre."
"Well now, are you ready to wipe them out? And I promise you to give you a chainsaw if you defeat some of them."
And once again, I fell silent, only this time, I pulled out a stupid look.
"... What the hell is so nice about having a chainsaw, Dad???"
"Whatever, just get out there and kill some already, dammit," my Dad said. He then threw me a gun and I caught it with my own two hands. "You might want to use a gun once in a while, if you want to try and shoot some zombies from afar, rather than struggling with your katana slicing their heads off," my Dad said. I was impressed by my Dad's wisdom. "Well, you've got a point there, Dad. But what are you guys gonna do?" I said. "We'll save
kuya!" my little brother answered. "Dun worry, Ate! We can handle this! For Kuya!" (Note: "Ate" [a(as in "apple")-teh] is the term Filipinos use to address to their older sisters, e.g. Ate Pilar.)
We nodded in agreement, wishing good luck to each other, then separating out ways to survive on our own way.
To be honest, I REALLY hate zombies. It's like those stupid graphical zombies in those PSOne Resident Evil games, which really scared the shit out of me. Even though I don't get as scared as before in the future titles of Resident Evil and those arcade shooting games like House of the Dead, I still hate them. And as soon as I made a turn in the hallway, I was ambushed by a pack of zombies. I screamed in horror, but I didn't forget to unsheathe my katana to attack them, trying my best to slice of their heads. I got hurt from their attacks, then I suddenly casted a Fire spell against them. And in an instant, they turn into ashes. I sighed in relief as I cast to myself the Heal spell. Just then I thought it was over, I heard more ghostly moans. Shit, more zombies?! I thought. Then I saw another bunch of them, running towards from me. Without any hesitation, I pulled out the gun my Dad gave me, and began shooting their heads off. Within minutes, not a single zombie comes out of the darkness.
"Well thank God I played House of the Dead 4." I mumbled to myself.
As I continued running through the hallway, I heard and saw my Dad from a room. "Good job, now hurry and come inside," he called out. "You must be tired, so come here and give yourself a rest."
As I did, I was surprised and relieved to see the people I know safe and sound. My Mom was wearing some sort of the Ragnarok Online's Priest. I was relieved to see my closest brother as I gave him hug, then talk for awhile. He kinda looked like the Mage of Ragnarok Online, stating he wished he'd be an Archer instead (insert sweatdrop moment). After awhile, I began talking to everyone, even my former best friend.
But someone else was missing.
At first, I was nervous. I then asked my Dad is he's sure if he recruited everyone I know. He said yes.
Then those words came back to me.
"The more you treasure that person, the further you have to go to find him or her."
I never felt so angry and sad in my entire life.
When my Dad stated that I have to go out to kill some remaining zombies in the building, I left the room quickly and started running like mad. I swung my katana several times as I ran like a madman, not even caring how many zombies I killed or much blood has spilled over me.
Why HIM? my voice shouted within me.
Of all the people I love, WHY HIM?! I wanted to know.
I just see him as a friend, dammit, so why HIM???! I don't know how long must I wait for the answer. As I shot the last zombie's head, hot tears flooded my eyes.
Where ARE you...?After all that, I checked the comfort rooms to find out in dismay that there were some remaining zombies inside. I went back to the room to report to my Dad.
"Dad! There are STILL zombies in the CRs! But they strangely won't come out and attack me!"
"Well, leave them alone then."
"Huh? Why not?!"
"Well, first of all, they won't attack us. Second, your mom, your siblings, and I already planted something in those rooms to kill them."
"You sure they aren't BOMBS?"
"Well, they are... but they won't blow up this building, trust me."
"Oh okay... but why the heck can't I kill them?"
"You really wanna see some zombie porn?"
"... UGH, never mind... sorry I asked..."
I then went out of the room to find him. I'm sure I killed the zombies, so where is he? I traveled up and down in the building, even scouting outside the building, hoping to find him. Hours later, my heart sank. No luck in finding him. I then went inside the building. As I did, I felt a drop of water slowly seeping out of my eye. It was then I began to break down and cry. Was he killed by the zombies? Was he taken away by my dark side? I don't know. All I can do is cry for a person's loss.
Explosions was then heard from the comfort rooms, signaling that the last of the zombies are now gone. And as if it was a cue, the building grew bright. Suddenly, I felt like my clothes have taken another form. It was in my school uniform. I was all confused. Then, I heard a familiar voice.
"I've been waiting for you."
I then turned to the direction of the voice. I was dumbfound by the sight. For on that direction was the person I was looking for. The person who is said I treasured the most. He smiled warmly at me. At first, I turned away from him, saying to myself this isn't real. When I turned back to him, he started walking away. My heart skipped a beat.
"... Wait...!"
I found myself running towards him with arms wide open. I gave him a warm embrace from behind. After seconds of silence, I whispered in his ears asking, "... Why you...? Why must you appear before me last? I don't understand..."
I thought he was smiling as he sat down. Then, someone from behind gave me a small push, making me lay on his lap. I then heard voices from behind us.
"Yihee! Go on, dude! DO IT!"
"Yeah, the reward!"
Before I could even asked, I caught him smiling at me, and within seconds, he placed his lips on mine. I was too shocked at the situation I was in now. Seconds after that, he smiled again as he said softly, "You actually taste pretty good." I was all red, and after that, I found myself screaming and punching him. I stood up, shouting, "D-DUUUUDE...! What was that for?! Y-You just... Kissed me! In front of some people! DAMN YOU!" He just laughed and ran away as I chased after him. The two people from behind just laughed as they slowly disappeared back to the real world, along with the building.
After I was able to catch him, and we tossed and turn as we struggled, and I ended up being on top of him. As we were catching our breath, he just giggled and said, "Well, weren't always wishing for that?" I was flustered at his question. I then mumbled in a low voice, "... You idiot..." I then placed my face closer to him. "I hate you..." Our lips were then just a centimeters away. "Don't you dare scare me like that again... you fool... "
We then locked lips, kissing like we will never ever leave each other's side for as long we disappeared with the others towards the real world. The world where reality comes back to me...
End...?Labels: dreams
Spell by; Pilar