Life's Fantasy

Seriously

2009-03-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

Seriously

You don't know me, and yet you still say you care for me? Hell, I don't even know you, so why do you even bother and act like as if your my friend, when we really aren't?

Get a life.

Meh

2009-03-24T00:14:00.000-07:00

Meh

So much things have happened, and yet, I feel like I don't care anymore. Strange. Like I don't care about anyone around me anymore.

I wonder if this is normal. It's kinda... ugly.

A Hopeless' Dream

2009-03-03T05:43:00.000-08:00

A Hopeless' Dream

I sometimes hope you'd be my special someone. I really do. But, not yet, I know. But you know, I'm still glad we're still friends.

I still don't understand why I still have this hollow feeling within me.

Yes, I can wait, and I am not selfish. I really believe so.

So... why do I sometimes feel uneasy?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just in my head. Maybe it's just my imagination.

I wish I can tell you I love you, but I know you'll just back away. I know you're just not gonna care. I know you're just going to hate me for confessing my deeper feelings for you. And I know we're still not ready. Yeah. So if I'm not ready for all this, then why the hell am I feeling like this? It's like... I'm stuck in the wrong time. A time where I'm not supposed to be yet.

For now, all I can do is smile, and shower my love for you. Even if you will never return the feeling to me. As long as you're smiling, I'm gonna smile too.

Until I enter in my own sanctuary again.

Deadly Dreams

2009-02-27T19:07:00.000-08:00

Deadly Dreams

There are times I dream of being killed. But now, I dreamed of seeing the people around me being killed. I can only hear myself screaming and crying with desperation, seeing the faces of the ones I loved dying in front of me. Almost every death I see was gruesome.

Why oh why...

Trauma

2009-02-26T05:37:00.000-08:00

Trauma

It's not something to laugh at. Hell, it's like putting salts on the wounds. Or even on scars.
sable...

And I still have them to this day. And they can never be erased... Unless............

:U

2009-02-24T17:21:00.000-08:00

Why the hell was it so long since I posted here? >_>

Anyways...

I'm still sleepy. :'D

Longer...

2009-01-08T05:32:00.000-08:00

Longer...

People change for a long time...

Hours turn to days, and days turn to weeks...

And the longer it got, the more mixed up feelings get.

Joyful? Resentful? Vengeful?

Only one will prevail.

But when?

How long?

And the line of questions gets longer...

Lost Dreams, Wishes, and Hopes

2008-12-21T23:56:00.000-08:00

Lost Dreams, Wishes, and Hopes

Dreams are made up of illusions.

Wishes are made up of dreams.

Hopes are made up of wishes.

Useless. They're all useless to me now.

From this day marks the day I lost all my dreams. My wishes. And my hopes.

They're all just childish things anyway... No more... I don't want to be a naive child anymore.

I shall only dream, wish, and hope for my fantasy, but never to myself, as reality kicks in to kick them out.

No more... all dreams, wishes, and hopes are nothing to me now... Nothing...

Nothing...

Sick, Tired, Fed Up

2008-12-19T17:37:00.000-08:00

Sick, Tired, Fed Up

I'm sick of repeating the same mistakes all over again.

I'm tired of being so naive around me.

I'm fed up of being so hard on myself.

Raindrops flow in my eyes. I can't take it anymore. Just as signs of losing hope appears...

I'm sick.

I'm tired.

I'm fed up.

Enough is enough.

I've had enough of dreaming my childhood dreams. I've had enough of believing that the world around me will be a better place. I've had enough of running away back into my sanctuary. I've had enough of receiving sympathy from others. I've had enough of being afraid of others' opinions. I've had enough of trying hard to get what I want. I've had enough of feeling so much pain and despair from the same mistakes. I've had enough.

From now on, I won't run away. I won't dream of childish dreams. I won't hurt myself. I won't hide. I won't cry. All from a mistake and a problem.

From now on... I'll pray to the God Almighty. I'll know my limitations. I'll never try to understand everyone. I'll always understand myself first. I'll never please anybody. I'll please myself to what I know is right.

Everyone's right all along... and everyone just say the same and similar subject... Life is truly a never-ending roller coaster cycle with a lot of different people riding in it...

Haunted

2008-12-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Haunted

It was dark around me. Slowly, the light shone brightly. Now, I see my self in my school. I was two male friends. I liked them, though one of them is who I liked the most. They then told me something to stay away from them. They said something about... a ghost haunting them everytime girls like them. Of course, I could understand the guy who I kinda liked. I mean, he has a girlfriend, what the hell. So, everytime I hang out with that guy, the ghost would always try to scare me away, even if we were just friends. And yes, I would run away, if that girlfriend ghost of his gets too much.

Now, the other guy who I really liked was worse. It was strange, because, first of all, he has no girlfriend. Second of all, he already gave up on his childhood beloved. So why worse, you ask? Well, it's because of the female ghost of his, that's why. I can't see her, but I can always hear her wails and moans everytime I'm around him. It would always send me chills running down my spine.

Then, one night, I just walked off back to my dorm from class, probably after my curfew class. While walking along my path, I thought I saw a white mist on the corner. I just ignored it. Then it came back. Again, I ignored it. Now for the third time, I was getting freaked out, because this time, it was forming a terrifying face. I gulped down my courage, wishing I can run away, but my legs won't respond. I was just stood, frozen on the spot I was standing. Lights of the school suddenly switched off, blanketing me the darkness. I want to shout for help, but nothing came out of my mouth. All I could hear is my own voice from my head.

"Oh God, please save me... I can't die now..."

Then, before the mist shows its true face, I heard his voice, saying:

"... Where... are you...?"

The mist's face was the face of my alter-ego.

The Death

2008-12-03T05:37:00.000-08:00

"HEY! S-Stop that! You're hurting me-!"

(gets kissed in a forceful way)

"You bastard! Get your hands of her!"

(Flying Punch)

"Shit... remember this!"

"Come on! Let's get out of here!"

"Why are you doing this?

"Because I..."

(Scene shifts in an alley)

"No! I can't leave you! Not ever!"

"Please do... for your own sake... Go on... without me..."

"No, NO!"

"There they are! Kill them, kill them!"

(Gunshots)

(A female figure holds a male figure in her arms as she knelt down)

"Why... why must this happen...?! Why... why can't I just die as well?! It's not fair! Oh Lord, please save me from this despair!"

(The two figures now lie on the ground lifeless. And staring at them was another female figure.)

"... Do I really love you so much, even if I try my best to deny it? Bull... Bullshit... but..."

Bitter and Sweet

2008-11-28T07:32:00.000-08:00

Bitter and Sweet

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

~ Chorus from Linkin Park's Leave Out All the Rest

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we could be
Where this thing could go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
'Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away
But i know this crush ain't going
Away
Going away

~Chorus from David Archuleta's Crush

There's always time where I listen to my music to calm my soul. Yet most of the songs I chose always seem to reflect my memories and my feelings. For instance, these two songs I am currently hearing right now seem to be stuck in my mind now. The first one reflects how bitter I am feeling about romance, while the other is just the opposite, only it's more on the current situation everytime I'm around with that person.

... Yeah... I still have feelings for that person... expect I see him as a friend. For now. I can still wait... and in the meantime, Linkin Park reminds me to try my best to avoid romance for now.

Resentment and Confusion

2008-11-24T04:47:00.000-08:00

Resentment and Confusion

For the first time, this spell's gonna be written like a high school girl's rambling. I need to get this stress out anyway.

Ahem...

I don't care if you read my blog, and I don't read your blog either like before, but I can feel like you're all confused, just like me. I was out of my mind, alright? Like someone who just fell from a rooftop, or even someone who just came out from a roller coaster. I mean, hell, I even wished God punished me on that night. All I wanted is understanding. I'm really glad you didn't see me going all [batshit] insane that night before I met you, but I felt like I need to talk to someone after that. And trust me, I dunno why it has to be you, or why the hell did I even did that to you. All I can do is to feel guilty I put you in the similar state as I am right now.

Well, we're all growing up, right? Let time do it then. I can wait. And I can tell you will too.

And yeah, I'm not gonna talk about it. Especially if you're around.

End of ramble. Gee, that was a little annoying to talk like that.

Birth Anniversary

2008-11-23T03:56:00.000-08:00

Birth Anniversary

The day I was born...

I'm glad I'm alive in this world.

Cruelty

2008-11-18T05:30:00.000-08:00

Cruelty

"I don't need anybody's support!"

It's happening again. I'm starting to feel more hatred towards everybody. I even feel like showering cruelty to everyone.

What's happening to me? Is my evil side starting to take over me? Or is it the weather and hormones that are responsible?

I feel like the people around me are my weaknesses and my strengths at the same time... But I believe only one of them should stay true to me, so I'm waiting to see what happens next...

Snapped

2008-11-17T05:36:00.000-08:00

Snapped

Someone told me a joke, but I suddenly snapped out with anger, as if I was offended. I felt like something inside needs to get out, even if it's not like me to be like that.

"I'm pissed, okay?! Pissed about everything around me!"

Those were the last words I spoke out as soon as I stepped out of the university.

Why in the world did I say those words? I then remembered feeling so lonely, never mind the drowsiness that's been cursing me for the past few days. I even feel like I really need to be alone in the streets of the dark. I suddenly began to hear words of loneliness. Lust and desires of loneliness. Anger towards the people around me. Everything I hear is loneliness and hatred.

What is wrong with me? Why now, of all the sudden? I really don't know why, but...

There's someone inside of me desiring to come out to unleash its anger to all the people I know and love.

Whatever...

2008-11-13T05:48:00.000-08:00

Whatever...

I feel like I wanna jinx the radio for playing those stupid overrated songs that just reflect how life ISN'T supposed to be. Some songs even make me feel all bitter, especially on one person. I'd love to say I hate how love appears towards people, but ironically, my other side likes the idea too. Still, I try hard to control this. Romantic love won't get me anywhere.

One more reason why I prefer lonesome songs. They calm my mind, yet ironically, more bitter as well. But I feel like I don't care about it, because I'm just bitter about romance, so what's the big deal? So what if I'm denying it? It's not like I'm gonna get cursed or what, all because I'm all so bitter about it.

Romance won't get you anywhere, unless you feel like it is. End of story.

Alone in the Dark

2008-11-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

Alone in the Dark

Nope. It's not just the title of a well-known old school game.

It's just that because my classes are starting to end at the glimpse of the moon, everything around me is starting to feel lonesome. Again.

Come to think of it, haven't I always been lonely before, without even caring a soul around me?

Like one night when I found myself waiting for someone, but I decided to leave, because it was getting too cold for me to handle. As I walked on my way, I looked up at the sky. There, I saw the moon, covered by those soft dark clouds. Not a single star shone with the moon.

It seemed to reflect me of my current situation, in a way. Am I feeling alright to be preoccupied by my current status? Or do I wished I was with the people who care for me, so I would not be alone?

Nevertheless, I just go on... Not caring a single soul... If there were wandering and restless souls around me, will I not be lonely as before?

Traffic Signals

2008-11-08T05:53:00.000-08:00

Traffic Signals

In life, there are traffic signals. Like the roads of the city, we should follow them, or else our lives will be thrown away. Like the roads, the people we meet become our paths of our lives. And like cars, we need to be careful around them.

For instance, when you fall in love with a person, but it seems like that person is in love with another person, you just need to go forward, as the go signal to your way has lit, while the stop signal has lit towards that person. But when you think you already have a go signal from that person, after what has happened on its way, don't be fooled. It's actually a standby signal. Unless you both think it's a go signal... then go for it.

After all, some things are worth the wait, right?

Saving the Rats

2008-11-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

Saving the Rats

There were rats I wanted to kill, but they seemed so helpless, they don't look like rats at all. In fact, they even have different colors around them, I don't think I should call them rats. I saved 4 of them, but one was killed by my aunt right in front of me. I protested that I can take care of them, so I ran away with them. One of the rats then spoke to me, saying that her daughter is currently trapped in a well for years, trying in vain to climb up. A character who looks just like Spongebob (maybe he is?) then told me we have to save it, or the Poison Incident 108 will occur again, where the waters of all the world will be poisoned.

We then took our bikes, as we pedal our fastest towards the well. The path was not an easy way to cross, like those zigzag roads we need to be careful. There were even some cars that zoomed past our way dangerously, that some of our companions were knocked out, even if I can't recognize them now.

When we finally reached the said well, I took my telescope to find the daughter, when she slowly climbed up the well, just like Sadako from The Ring (though it wasn't as horrific as the movie itself)...

Ancient UST in War

2008-11-05T05:11:00.000-08:00

Ancient UST in War

The atmosphere was tense. The weather was insanely hot. I could've sworn the whole place was like a desert, as I saw soldiers cursing and swearing while firing their weapons. I could even hear the loud march of the soldiers ready to battle. In the meantime, I found myself running for my life, as I was chased by a couple of idol-headed mummies. I then stumbled across a cave, where I was knocked unconscious. After regaining conscious, I found myself in front of a golden artifact that glowed its surroundings with bright light. Then, as I slowly placed my hands on the artifact, I heard my own voice saying:

"At last... the artifact to end it all..."

[UST = University of Santo Tomas]

Moody Friend

2008-11-05T04:58:00.000-08:00

Moody Friend

I was in a shopping mall. There, I brought a bright new read watch. I giggled as I placed the red watch on my left wrist. Then, a friend of mine who was with me just gave me a weird look, because, well, it was really strange for one to wear two watches at the same time. We walked around the mall after that while I was saying something to her. She just scowled and said something that made me think about something....

It's a shame I couldn't remember the whole conversation...

The Adventure Continues....

2008-11-03T01:53:00.000-08:00

The Adventure Continues...

"So... do you think she will make it...?" a deep voice asked.

"... Oh I dunno..." said my dark self, playing with her necklace. "'Sides, like you care."

"Well... don't you think she HAS too?"

"..."

"Anyways, let us go. I can see her strong spirit, so we have no use of here right now..."

With that, no one has the knowledge on who the deep voiced person is, or where the girl has gone to...

~*~

The door creaked slowly, to reveal a man who stands inches taller than me, wearing some metallic armor. His weapon has a machine. He looked around the room, and seconds later, he saw me. At first, I wanted to attack him, but as I placed the blade of my katana dangerously in his neck, I look surprised when I got a closer look in his face.

"... Dad...?"

"DADDY! Thank God you're alive!" cried the boy behind me.

I look confused. When the boy came out, he then transformed into my youngest brother. I was really surprised. "No time for reunion," my dad said in a serious tone. "Remember we still have some business to deal with." I then said, "Uhm, wait Dad. First of all, I need answers. So my first question is... Why the hell are you in that... suit?" To tell you the truth, he looked like Cyborg of Teen Titans. "Well, you see, there were some zombies here in your school, and..."

"Wait," I stopped him. "So... you're telling me... THAT THIS BUILDING IS MY SCHOOL???!" I asked in a very shocked voice, nearly shouting within the whole building.

"Shush, sis!" my little brother hissed. "The zombies might hear us!"

"And there are some fucking zombies here?!" I demanded, ignoring my brother's plea. "Okay, this is getting weird. First of all, I have to save everyone I love, and NOW you guys are here defending yourselves from a pack of zombies?! What the fuck's going on?!"

My dad just coughed and said, "Well, you see, you're actually in the final stage..."

"What the fuck, Dad," I moaned, "You sound like an NPC in those typical video games I've been playing... and this is the final stage already?! What the hell?!" I just slapped my forehead after that.

"Look, I know this is getting stranger for you, but I have good news for you," my dad said. "What is it?" I asked hopefully. My little brother then beamed at me. "All the people you were trying to find are safe now!" he said with a big smile. I sighed in relief. "Good, so where's Mom and your other brother?" I asked my little brother. My Dad and my brother looked down after that question. I couldn't expect anything worse.

"Well, Mom is safe, taking care of the others," my Dad said.

"But kuya is missing!" my little cried in tears. (Note: "Kuya" is the term Filipinos use to address to their older brothers, e.g. Kuya Xavier.)

I was shocked. And that brother of mine was the closest to me. "Well, I hope he's alright..." I mumbled.

"But I'm sure he is," my Dad said sternly. "I mean, he has random magic spells to defend himself, you know." I gave a bored look. "So you mean to say he's a Mage?" I asked. "Most likely," my dad replied. "But you can too, right?" he asked. "Well, I haven't even tried, because, well, I just start short, for the love of God," I said with a sigh.

"Well, in that case, go on out there and kill those zombies," my Dad said.

"But of all things, why are there zombies in my school???!" I asked.

"There was a virus breakout, that's what."

I fell silent.

"... God, that sounds SOOOO Resident Evil, Dad, what the fuck..."

"Well, if you think it's like that, then I'll tell you something: The people with your Mom, your siblings, and me weren't affected."

Again, I fell silent.

"... Well, that's something you don't expect in every survival-horror genre."

"Well now, are you ready to wipe them out? And I promise you to give you a chainsaw if you defeat some of them."

And once again, I fell silent, only this time, I pulled out a stupid look.

"... What the hell is so nice about having a chainsaw, Dad???"

"Whatever, just get out there and kill some already, dammit," my Dad said. He then threw me a gun and I caught it with my own two hands. "You might want to use a gun once in a while, if you want to try and shoot some zombies from afar, rather than struggling with your katana slicing their heads off," my Dad said. I was impressed by my Dad's wisdom. "Well, you've got a point there, Dad. But what are you guys gonna do?" I said. "We'll save kuya!" my little brother answered. "Dun worry, Ate! We can handle this! For Kuya!" (Note: "Ate" [a(as in "apple")-teh] is the term Filipinos use to address to their older sisters, e.g. Ate Pilar.)

We nodded in agreement, wishing good luck to each other, then separating out ways to survive on our own way.

To be honest, I REALLY hate zombies. It's like those stupid graphical zombies in those PSOne Resident Evil games, which really scared the shit out of me. Even though I don't get as scared as before in the future titles of Resident Evil and those arcade shooting games like House of the Dead, I still hate them. And as soon as I made a turn in the hallway, I was ambushed by a pack of zombies. I screamed in horror, but I didn't forget to unsheathe my katana to attack them, trying my best to slice of their heads. I got hurt from their attacks, then I suddenly casted a Fire spell against them. And in an instant, they turn into ashes. I sighed in relief as I cast to myself the Heal spell. Just then I thought it was over, I heard more ghostly moans. Shit, more zombies?! I thought. Then I saw another bunch of them, running towards from me. Without any hesitation, I pulled out the gun my Dad gave me, and began shooting their heads off. Within minutes, not a single zombie comes out of the darkness.

"Well thank God I played House of the Dead 4." I mumbled to myself.

As I continued running through the hallway, I heard and saw my Dad from a room. "Good job, now hurry and come inside," he called out. "You must be tired, so come here and give yourself a rest."

As I did, I was surprised and relieved to see the people I know safe and sound. My Mom was wearing some sort of the Ragnarok Online's Priest. I was relieved to see my closest brother as I gave him hug, then talk for awhile. He kinda looked like the Mage of Ragnarok Online, stating he wished he'd be an Archer instead (insert sweatdrop moment). After awhile, I began talking to everyone, even my former best friend.

But someone else was missing.

At first, I was nervous. I then asked my Dad is he's sure if he recruited everyone I know. He said yes.

Then those words came back to me.

"The more you treasure that person, the further you have to go to find him or her."

I never felt so angry and sad in my entire life.

When my Dad stated that I have to go out to kill some remaining zombies in the building, I left the room quickly and started running like mad. I swung my katana several times as I ran like a madman, not even caring how many zombies I killed or much blood has spilled over me.

Why HIM? my voice shouted within me. Of all the people I love, WHY HIM?! I wanted to know. I just see him as a friend, dammit, so why HIM???! I don't know how long must I wait for the answer. As I shot the last zombie's head, hot tears flooded my eyes.

Where ARE you...?

After all that, I checked the comfort rooms to find out in dismay that there were some remaining zombies inside. I went back to the room to report to my Dad.

"Dad! There are STILL zombies in the CRs! But they strangely won't come out and attack me!"

"Well, leave them alone then."

"Huh? Why not?!"

"Well, first of all, they won't attack us. Second, your mom, your siblings, and I already planted something in those rooms to kill them."

"You sure they aren't BOMBS?"

"Well, they are... but they won't blow up this building, trust me."

"Oh okay... but why the heck can't I kill them?"

"You really wanna see some zombie porn?"

"... UGH, never mind... sorry I asked..."

I then went out of the room to find him. I'm sure I killed the zombies, so where is he? I traveled up and down in the building, even scouting outside the building, hoping to find him. Hours later, my heart sank. No luck in finding him. I then went inside the building. As I did, I felt a drop of water slowly seeping out of my eye. It was then I began to break down and cry. Was he killed by the zombies? Was he taken away by my dark side? I don't know. All I can do is cry for a person's loss.

Explosions was then heard from the comfort rooms, signaling that the last of the zombies are now gone. And as if it was a cue, the building grew bright. Suddenly, I felt like my clothes have taken another form. It was in my school uniform. I was all confused. Then, I heard a familiar voice.

"I've been waiting for you."

I then turned to the direction of the voice. I was dumbfound by the sight. For on that direction was the person I was looking for. The person who is said I treasured the most. He smiled warmly at me. At first, I turned away from him, saying to myself this isn't real. When I turned back to him, he started walking away. My heart skipped a beat.

"... Wait...!"

I found myself running towards him with arms wide open. I gave him a warm embrace from behind. After seconds of silence, I whispered in his ears asking, "... Why you...? Why must you appear before me last? I don't understand..."

I thought he was smiling as he sat down. Then, someone from behind gave me a small push, making me lay on his lap. I then heard voices from behind us.

"Yihee! Go on, dude! DO IT!"

"Yeah, the reward!"

Before I could even asked, I caught him smiling at me, and within seconds, he placed his lips on mine. I was too shocked at the situation I was in now. Seconds after that, he smiled again as he said softly, "You actually taste pretty good." I was all red, and after that, I found myself screaming and punching him. I stood up, shouting, "D-DUUUUDE...! What was that for?! Y-You just... Kissed me! In front of some people! DAMN YOU!" He just laughed and ran away as I chased after him. The two people from behind just laughed as they slowly disappeared back to the real world, along with the building.

After I was able to catch him, and we tossed and turn as we struggled, and I ended up being on top of him. As we were catching our breath, he just giggled and said, "Well, weren't always wishing for that?" I was flustered at his question. I then mumbled in a low voice, "... You idiot..." I then placed my face closer to him. "I hate you..." Our lips were then just a centimeters away. "Don't you dare scare me like that again... you fool... "

We then locked lips, kissing like we will never ever leave each other's side for as long we disappeared with the others towards the real world. The world where reality comes back to me...

End...?

Halloween

2008-10-31T08:43:00.000-07:00

Halloween

So it's already Halloween...

Yet I still need to visit my deceased relatives' spirits soon.

I miss them.

An Adventure Awaits

2008-10-27T04:26:00.000-07:00

An Adventure Awaits

One afternoon, I was taking my usual nap, after feeling very weary from the blasted weather. After a short while, I thought I heard some voices coming from my classmates, but I didn't mind.

"It's just the start of my dream..." I mumbled, as I tugged the cloth around me, dozing of my Z's

After hours, I slowly opened my eyes, and I found something very unusual.

A pair of cockroaches in a shape of a dead rose bud.

I'm not sure if they were staring at me, and one of them just crawled around under a chair while the other flew on top of the doorknob.

Damn, another stupid dream... get real, man... I thought, as I closed my eyes again.

Minutes later, I thought I heard some soft buzzes. I opened my eyes in a hidden disbelief when I saw the pair of cockroaches still in the same place. Only this time, I can really tell they are staring at me.

"Goddammit, where the hell are the others?" I mumbled, as I stood up from my bed. The cockroaches just stood themselves on the same spot as they are. I grunted and I shouted, "Hey guys, can't you see there's a pair of cockroaches here? Can someone kill them from me, please?"

Not a single reply was heard after that.

"... Guys...?"

No reply.

"G-Guys...? Hey, come on, I'm dead serious here! There's a bunch of fucking cockroaches here, for the love of God!"

Still no reply.

The cockroaches still started at me. I thought I broke a cold sweat, but the cockroaches didn't even do a single thing to me.

Suddenly, I heard a voice.

"For your information, girl, your family's not here."

"WHAT?!" I turned around trying to find where the voice came from. "Hey, who's there?! Show yourself! And tell me what the hell's going on!" I demanded.

"Well, like I said. Everyone in this house is gone. Even the people who you treasure are gone from this world. Meaning... you're all alone now."

"NO FRIGGIN' WAY, MAN! Come on out and show yourself, dammit! Who are you?!"

An image of a girl then appeared before me. I thought my eyes were fogged up, but I realized I'm wearing my contact lenses.

Because the girl in front of me... was me. My dark copy. She was wearing some sort of an Indian costume, like Julia Chang of the Tekken video game series. (Believe me, I was all "What the fuck...?!")

I was speechless at first. My dark copy then smirked and said, "What? Surprised? Cat got your tongue?" She then laughed evilly. When my senses came back to me, I demanded, "Hey, what the fuck is going on? Are you pulling my leg? I-It's not even Halloween, dammit!" She then replied, "Oh, that's just you, as always... You wanted proof, riiiiight?" I just fell silent. She then sighed, and chanted something I don't understand.

It was then I realized we were transported into a world unknown.

~*~

The land we dropped by was beautiful. It was a field full of flowers, as their petals blew away with the wind. I could even hear the river's water rushing peacefully. Even the blue sky was painted in splashes of crystal clear white.

But enough of the landscape. Where in the world am I?

I turned around to see my dark copy. She smiled as she said, "It's beautiful, isn't it? Too bad you must find your loved ones here." I gave a confused look, and asked, "Wait... are you telling me my family is here?" She snapped her fingers as she said, "Yup! You've got that right girl! But it's not only your family, ya know... it's ALL the people you met and treasured." I was still confused. "I... don't understand."

"HAH! Don't be naive, girl!" she snapped. "Think about it. Can you not remember the ones you treasured? You know, your friends and even your... boyfriend."

I was shocked, but I was also confused by the last word she emphasized.

"My... boyfriend?"

She nodded.

"Well, ex-CUSE me," I said, "but I have no boyfriend. Hell, I don't even remember having a boyfriend, what the fuck..."

"Don't deny it," she snapped. "Whatever. Anyway, if you wish to see them, you'll have to travel around in this world." I listened attentively. "See, depending on how much you love and care about that person, you'll eventually find him or her along the way," she continued. "Which means, more love and care you have on that person, the further you'll have to travel to meet them." She then smirked. "And it may also mean that they're with my master..."

"Wait... are you telling me my family is with that master of yours?"

"Most probably."

I felt blood rushing to my body as the thought passed through my head. Of all things, why must this happen?! I could only ask without any answer at all.

"And since you're just starting, why don't we have... a little sparring?" My dark copy said with a playful smile. I gave her a stupid look, saying, "Dude, what the fuck? Do I look like a fighter to you? I mean, hell, you MAY look like Julia Chang, but I'm no Lily!"

"Just shut your trap and fight me!" She then flew a punch right at my face. Strangely though, I was able to block it with my hand. She then flew back, and started to give me a strong kick. And out of the blue, a katana appeared in my hand, as I block the impact of her kick. As I fell onto the ground with my bottom, I looked at the reflection at the river near me.

I was dumbfound of what I saw.

There in the clear water showed myself wearing some sort of a costume that looked like a mixture of Ragnarok Online's Acolyte and Swordsman. Why the hell am I wearing this?! I thought.

But never mind that. My thoughts returned to my dark copy, with a smack on my side.

Angry at the blow she gave me, I counter-attacked with a slice on her arm with my katana. She then gave me a series of punches, only to be blocked by my katana. I then counter-attacked again by swinging my katana above her head, cutting the feather on her headband into half. After all these, since when the hell did I learn how to fight like that?!

My dark copy then smirked, and said, "Heh. You're not that bad yourself." She then stood firmly on the ground with her arms folded. I then sheathed my katana back to my side, as I asked, "Of all things, why must I do this?" She answered with a sigh, "Think of it as a test... Besides, my master wants to see more from you... and see to see yourself how much you love the people you met along the way." I was little confused, but I nodded anyway. "We'll be seeing each other in the final showdown with my master..." she said with a smirk. "By the way, you can also use magic, ya know." Well, that made me startled. When I touched the area where she first punched me, my hand glowed, and in the instance, the bruise was gone.

Damn, it's just one of the RPGs and anime I used to watch, I would say.

"Well then... till we meet again..." she said, as she slowly disappeared into the horizon. "Wait!" I cried. "I still don't understand all this! Who ARE the people I deeply cared about?!"

Too late. She's totally gone now.

I sighed as I shook my head. Great... now what am I going to do...? Honestly, I don't know. All I could do now is... travel, I guess. And my starting point? The river.

~*~

I felt a little stupid to wade the water, but something tells me I have to get there. The further I walked, the more I realized that the river is actually connected to a waterfall. I then felt like climbing against the raging waters. There were some rocks for me to hold on, and my hands and feet felt like lizard feet, so I no problem, never mind the waters that have to hit my face.

As I climbed even higher, I thought I heard voices. And they sounded familiar. And it's not just that. It's like they're crying for help. I looked upward at my side, and I, with no mistake, I can see two of my classmates (one male and one female). They looked like as if they are struggling from a cat-like creature.

Without a moment to lose, I jumped and landed near to them, facing the attacker. The creature was quite strong, as it quickly pinned me onto the ground. We were struggling, as my classmates shuddered in fear by the scene. The creature gave me a good pack of scratches in my face. But I didn't care if my face was already blood red. I then took out my katana, and pierced the creature's heart. Tired of being bathed with blood, I threw the dead creature aside, and cast a healing spell on me. I then turned to my classmates, as they thanked me. They then slowly disappeared.

"Wait!" I cried before they disappeared. "Where are the others?"

"... I dunno..." my female classmate replied. "But all we know is they're nearby..." They were completely gone now, but not without saying goodbye and good luck to me.

Strangely, I smiled slowly. It was then I realized they will return to the real world after I meet up with them. With determination burning within me, I saw the nearest town, and headed right there, knowing I'll meet them up somehow... and try to figure out who my boyfriend is.

~*~

Some strange news swept in the town I am currently staying. It was about a group of young people being trapped in an empty building. Hoping it may be my friends, I decided to pack up, and head towards the said building.

As soon as I went there, I could hear cries from the building. There were some guards, so I sneaked in quietly. Finally inside, I found the rest of my classmates. Somehow, they were forced to eat something, like food that have been expired. Where's the mastermind behind all this then, I asked myself.

Carefully infiltrating the building, I bumped into a young fellow wearing a bright yellow shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He doesn't seem to be one of the guards, and he seemed like he knew where the mastermind is, so he led me the way. As soon as we were in a room to look for clues, we suddenly heard someone coming in.

"Oh no! Someone's coming hide-! YIKES!"

The boy suddenly multiplied, but his copies were in different sizes. This must be his power, I thought. "Dammit kid, can't you turn back to normal?!" I whispered angrily, as I hide inside the closet. "I, uh, wish I could, but..."

"But what?"

The [original] boy then hid with me, as he said, "You see, I can't seem to get in full control of my powers so... ehehe..." He just smiled sheepishly. I groaned, as his copies try to hide in anyway they can. Then minutes later, the door creaked slowly...

To be continued...?

Friends...

2008-10-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

Friends...

Can't live without them. Can't think without them. No joke. I love them till the very end.

But who am I kidding? Sure, they're really such great people, but it tends to get annoying once they try to help you get in a situation I shouldn't be in. I mean, seriously, I'm alright.

It's just that they were able to see some little truth in my other self.

But hell, so what if I am denying it? I'm alright with it, and nothing's gonna change it, even if that's the person itself who will so such thing.

Degraded

2008-10-23T17:37:00.000-07:00

Degraded

I've given all the help I can give, but it's all worthless to that person.

It seems like facing my old self is getting too annoying and stuff. Yes, I have to admit my old self from the past was very irritating and immature. For the love of God, can't we all just live and grow in a simple way? Sadly, not all people can do it.

Yes, it's hard, but it's one of the ways to get all the problems away.

Leave Out All Rest
by Linkin Park

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are

(Credits to AZLyrics.com)

The Curses of the Outside World

2008-10-22T02:26:00.000-07:00

The Curses of the Outside World

Can you blame a witch who is tough-looking, but is STILL a sensitive mortal in the inside?

What can I do when I have so much people to treasure?

Why must I feel like I must carry their burden as well? Why do I feel like throwing the old ones away just to start anew? Why must most of my memories turn into cursed thinkings?

... Why must the people close to me be my weaknesses as well...

This is all... so unfair...

My head spins with my fantasy whilst my body trips over reality.

This must be the curse of the outside world to me. When all I feel is... soulless.

My Soulless Sanctuary.

Cursed Atmosphere

2008-10-19T18:29:00.000-07:00

Cursed Atmosphere

The environment is at stake...

So is my body.

Damn atmosphere... Humans can be such good workers in ruining the environment to affect the atmosphere.

The Coming...

2008-10-17T04:18:00.000-07:00

The Coming...

Wolves will howl when the full moon has risen.

Restless spirits will start to wander around the Earth to seek unfinished business.

Soft whispers of sadness will be heard in your ears.

Undying wails of despair and angst will be heard along the empty spaces you walk by.

Either they are harmful or not, you cannot stop them from roaming around with us.

Just be thankful that the hand on your shoulder right now isn't a zombie's.

This is the spirit of Haloween.

Past is Past, Present is Present

2008-10-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

Past is Past, Present is Present

We all must walk forward to the path we have chosen.

To find our true destiny.

To reach our desired dreams.

To become someone who we really are.

But why does it mean sacrificing everything we have left in our minds? I certainly feel a little indifferent about my everything from the past, but... I never imagine I have to feel like this.

When I think about it... I'm not sure whether I should feel like this... It just... wasn't me...

Must I carry my the burden of my past? It's just not fair to leave everything behind. So... what will become of them...?

Insanity

2008-10-07T06:22:00.000-07:00

My world has gone into chaos...

Just when peace is just a mere walk away.

WHAT IN BLAZES? xD;

Lust for Arts and Games

2008-10-06T00:55:00.000-07:00

Lust for Arts and Games

I seriously want to draw...

But now that some games I always wanted are with me now...

Meh, I'll decide. My passion is so lustful to me...

What the...?

2008-09-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

What the...?

Seriously, don't walk up behind me just like that, just because I didn't greet you whenever I'm in a deep thought. Don't make me think you're trying to let me fall for you again, when I swore to myself I'll see you as a friend.

'Sides, I have other people in mind anyway.

Why So Serious?

2008-09-28T06:21:00.000-07:00

Why So Serious?

Seriously, why are you mad at me?

Can't you see that we're in a similar pressure here?

Gahd, I don't understand why you want to punch me when you see me again.

I know I'm being pressured, but why get annoyed when I'm trying to lighten up?

And I thought you said I should lighten up.

I dunno who is getting more immature: You or me.

Life is REALLY simple, but we are all forcing ourselves (even me, I have to admit) to make it look so complicated.

Can't you see it? No? Fine. Then it's your problem.

Please don't make me panic even more, because you know I panic easily.

GET A GRIP, FOR DAMN'S SAKE.

Pointless

2008-09-28T00:54:00.000-07:00

Pointless

Why in the world are we sometimes doing things that doesn't even concern with our major activities? I don't see the whole point in doing things so pointless but looks like it's very important. I have some important things to do, so why the heck are these kind of things interfering my realm? That's just plain annoying.

Gahd, I want the world to stop this. Well, at times, that is.

I'm just plain annoyed how cursed I am right now.

Missing...?

2008-09-27T06:03:00.000-07:00

Missing...?

Do you ever get the feeling you wished to do something, but you can't help but think something is missing inside you?

Must be the first step in moving on...

Please sweep my feet of the ground...

Out of My League

2008-09-26T02:46:00.000-07:00

Out of My League

I'm slowly letting go... I'm relieved.

Now my memories of that person will just be in my head for as long as I live.

I really don't why that person must be so less serious than I thought...

Silly, silly... That's all I can say... the reason why I fell for that person... it's just... plain silly...

After all, life is simply silly when you look at it... Right?

Forgiven...

2008-09-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

Forgiven...

That person can be such an idiot...

That person can be such a pain in my mind...

Yeah, that person has forgiven me... but why so fast? And why so... sweet?

Damn, I don't want to fall for that person again...

Deep Sinking Feeling

2008-09-22T05:07:00.000-07:00

Deep Sinking Feeling

May God curse me for my entire life...

The line's about to snap...

So must I continue walking on the thread?

God, the only thing I curse for myself is my human stupidity.

Please Don't Start the Music

2008-09-18T06:41:00.001-07:00

Please Don't Start the Music

Nyuuus... get them out of my head...

Not only to they hurt my head...

But it also makes my heart fatter.

Not good.

Poisoned

2008-09-18T06:41:00.000-07:00

Poisoned

You know that too much is a good thing, right?

Well, if it's not even worth it, then why bother getting it to you?

I just don't like how people keep on begging me to help them, when they won't even take my advice. That just adds fuel to my fire. So why bother asking for help, if you're not going to take their help? And how can I help you, when you can't even help yourself?

I may be tired, but it doesn't mean I'm moody. You keep on saying I'm not helping you, but you're just not helping yourself. You keep on saying I don't understand you, but I have already understand the situation. You keep on saying I don't see the problem, but I have already found it. You keep on saying I'll never know, but you just don't want to admit it. You keep on saying you know already, but you stubbornly won't change.

This is the reason why I try to avoid love. Sure, first time is always addicting, but for once, self-control is your only weapon now. I have experienced that once, but I now that I have already admit that the person I loved won't love me back, but hey, it's no big deal. That's what self-control is all about.

Why are you here?

2008-09-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

Why are you here?

It was the dead of the night, and I am surprised...

You appeared in front of me.

Why? Why now? After all those times I try to avoid you, you still manage to catch up to me whilst the full moon has risen?

My other side is smiling at you whilst I frown. You're not supposed to talk to me at this time, I thought, hoping my other side will listen. But no...

I curse these chains of cursed feelings from my other side. I am trying to keep my mind forward. But... you're just in the way... at least, that's what my other side wants me to think.

So... why... are we here...? Here... where the moonlight shines my fantasy...

Anger? Confusion?

2008-09-12T04:58:00.000-07:00

Anger? Confusion?

Not exactly what I'm feeling right now. But whenever I hear the song of the band Breaking Benjamin... I feel rebellious towards my inner feelings.

Who am I to say that I love that person whom I am just treating as a close friend?

I am able to control my feelings for that person... yet somehow, my inner self won't stop "complaining" about what I'm doing to myself.

Is it any good? it would ask, everytime I try to stop myself.

Head or Heart? Fantasy or Reality?

Either way, I will live, eventually.

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind....
~ The Diary of Jane

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time...
~The Diary of Jane (Acoustic Version)

Life is Simple...

2008-09-11T08:16:00.000-07:00

Life is Simple...

But I just don't know why people must force themselves to complicate it. If people want to be happy, then why complicate their lives even more when they are already feeling enough misery?

Why so serious? Why not smile because your still alive?

Indeed, life is simple... all we need to do is find that little button to refresh ourselves from chaos. And to make ourselves stronger to cross the obstacles as we move on.

Sentimental...

2008-09-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's hard to lose something that came from a dear person. Especially during a time where it is needed the most.

Though forgiven, my soul still weeps for a loss.

I just pray it comes back to me...

Forgetfulness

2008-09-03T03:09:00.000-07:00

Forgetfulness

One of the curses I had since my birth. It's not really that easy to avoid. It even makes you feel guilty especially when something must be done. To make matters worse, I am not the type of person who forgives herself easily.

Yeah, believe me, even if I know it's just a mistake, I can't help but think what other people will say about me forgeting such a little thing. It's like I broke a promise, and breaking a promise is like breaking my heart.

Maybe it's just me because I lack sleep, or I just had too many work to do.

Still, I can't forgive myself for being so forgetful. I feel so ashamed of myself for being so forgetful.

Sudden

2008-09-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Sudden

I went out with my friends somewhere where we felt happy. One of my friends was, of course, that person. After some time, while the others went away for some business, that person grabbed my hand and went towards a small house. That person then whispered in my ear, though I really couldn't understand what were those words. The only words I hear were those last three precious words which I am never to hear from that person. We then locked lips, which made me shocked, because I know I am not worth that person's heart.

I woke up. Relieved it was only a dream, I continue to my business.

After that though, I found myself looking for that person. I shook my head, forcing myself to not think about that person. Why that person? I asked myself. I am not worthy, so why me? Why must I dream of that person when I know that person has someone else in mind?

As I stopped myself, I felt my heart aching with a sad confusion.

I just want to see that person as a friend. A close friend. So why must I suddenly think of that person so badly?

Why is this person giving so much pain if that person is not for me because that person has someone else to be happy with?

So many answers I wish to know, but they will come for years for me to understand.

Sudden Changes

2008-09-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

Sudden Changes

They have the good side and the bad side.

Of course, changing for the better is a good sign.

And of all the sudden, your strength started to deplete slowly in process.

Equivalent Exchange? It could be the reason.

Whatever the spell may be, I'll eventually reach my destiny.

A World of Strangers...

2008-09-01T05:16:00.000-07:00

A World of Strangers...

Ever felt the feeling of being so silent being surrounded by unfamiliar people when the fact is you met them somewhere, but not face-to-face?

That is the curse of online group activity.

The hell to the staff, it's not my fault I NEVER seen them, and we always meet through the Net. :/

Funny...

2008-08-30T23:39:00.000-07:00

Funny...

Funny how that person appeared right beside me in my bed, as I slept soundly in my dreams. As I slept, that person's arms just wrapped around me in my sleep, even letting our faces closer. And if I remember correctly, there was another person right beside that person. I couldn't remember how the expression was though. All I hear were giggles though. Like fairies playing around the garden. Yeah, maybe there were fairies around that night.

As the dream ended, I still felt the warmth of that person...

Even when I realized that even if the cold wind is gone, my lower body still shivers, despite the fact it was really blazing outside. But my upper body still feels warm... like that person is still embracing me with the blissful warmth...

No... I'm not supposed to think of it. Not now. I am not even worth that person's warm heart. Never.

Losing Sanity...

2008-08-30T06:36:00.000-07:00

Losing Sanity

This is what I get for waiting too long...

Damn, what the hell... I hope nothing goes wrong, after waiting for nothing. :/

Tresured Memories...

2008-08-30T05:02:00.000-07:00

Tresured Memories...

It's so nice to go back to those times I shared in the past.

My childhood... My old memories...

They're like treasures I have kept as I grow with time...

"We hold on to memories, because they can never change as time goes by."

Now, add either two songs to complete the key.

Pssst... I like the Japanese Version more. :D

Control...

2008-08-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

Control...

Is the only spell I need to make my life around me a little more fair to me.

Especially the moment when that person kissed my lips gently....

In my dreams.

Damn, not a very blissful fantasy, if you ask me. Dx

Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi...

2008-08-29T04:49:00.001-07:00

Mario, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi...

Who needs them when you already have a plumber? The damn bathroom in the place is already flooded whenever one uses the bath, so, what the hell, flush away with teh plumber.

FEEL TEH DOOM OF TEH PLUMBER, WATER!!!

Wait, that doesn't sound right. :/

Equivalent Exchange

2008-08-28T03:38:00.000-07:00

Equivalent Exchange

It happens.

Every second. Every minute. Every day.

Sometimes it's fair. Sometimes it's unfair. Sometimes, it's really for the best, even if it will hurt us at first.

The only question is: Will you be able to live with it for the rest of your life?

It's a yes or a no, because, well, destiny may be the only one who holds one's goal.

Eventually, I'll live, whether in misery or in bliss.

Silent Thoughts...

2008-08-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

Silent Thoughts...

Everything comes in my mind... Sometimes they count. Sometimes they don't. Others make me smile. Others makes me teary. As I walked by, I felt like nothing has happened. The atmosphere was rushed, but I felt calm. Noises from every thing around me rung my hears, yet I am silenced by my own silence. It was like as if I was an emotionless ghost roaming in such a glowing crowd.

Then... I saw something.

It made me thought of something I shouldn't be thinking of.

Thoughts of fleeting emotions... why do they sometimes manage to block my rational thoughts?

To me, letting these feelings out is a betrayal of my rationality.

So... why is that every time I let my reasonings stop my feelings, I caused a scar to get wider?

Maybe it's just me. I just need more time to balance.

My reality and fantasy.

Guilt, Denial, Fear

2008-08-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

Guilt, Denial, Fear

I don't know if I should blame myself for being so loyal to everyone close to me. Everytime I let one down, I try to run hide, when I'm not supposed to. Do you deserve to see the face of the one I let down, even if it's so unintentionally?

Even when falling in love with a person who is already in love with someone else makes my world very ironic. When you still have that feelings for the person, will you be able to hide it for the rest of your life, until something happens?

I still feel afraid of myself for what am I doing. When will you feel free when you're trapped?

Carammeldanssen!

2008-08-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

Carammeldanssen!

Because it's contagious. And no one HASN'T done it. Yet. XD

First Post

2008-08-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Expect some random stuff from me. Maybe even life's moments.